Elvis, Cher, and a Quickie
by Nokomiss
Summary: ...the Andromeda BlackTed Tonks story. Because Elvis impersonators are so hard to find.


Elvis, Cher, and a Quickie

  
  


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

  
  
  


***

  


Ted Tonks stood nervously inside Andromeda Black's bedroom. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

  


"Of course I am!" replied Andromeda. "I told you that I was, what more do you need? A big flashing sign saying yes?"

  


"Well," Ted said hesitantly. "I just don't want you to regret this..."

  


"How could I regret it? It's going to be fabulous!" exclaimed Andromeda.

  


"But your family..." Ted trailed off. Truth was, he wasn't exactly sure about this brilliant plan. He'd seen Andromeda's sister's handiwork. That poor dog was never going to chase another broomstick ever again. 

  


He wanted to retain his ability to chase broomsticks, but then again, he still wanted Andromeda to be his. She was a lovely girl, and being around her made him feel like a man on a fuzzy tree.

  


"Come on, darling, don't be cruel," Andromeda laughed. "You know it's going to be fabulous."

  


Ted smiled, reassured. "Yeah. Come on, buttercup, it's time."

  


And they Apparated away together.

  


They appeared in a shady alleyway. They looked around, and saw that they had arrived undetected.

  


They strolled out onto the Strip together, holding hands and laughing together. 

  


"I can't believe we're in Vegas," said Andromeda happily. "My mother's going to flip when she finds out..."

  


"I just can't wait to send her a wedding picture," Ted replied. "Where was the chapel at?"

  


They were suddenly passed by a flock of Sonny and Chers. 

  


"We're really in Vegas!" squealed Andromeda. "Look, that Cher is a man!"

  


Ted squinted at the Cher in question, and realized that yes, it did have a five o'clock shadow. He then looked at the corresponding Sonny, and noticed uncharacteristic curves filling it's costume. He just shook his head. 

  


They strolled along the Strip for a while longer before reaching their destination. Caesar's Palace sparkled neon against the twilight sky. They entered the hotel, and Andromeda was only forced to hit Ted three times on the way to the check in counter.

  


"Quit staring at the girls," she hissed.

  


"How can I _not_ stare?" he replied. "Look at what they're wearing!"

  


"Exactly!" retorted Andromeda, who snarled an obscene insult to a showgirl who bumped into her.

  


Two hours later, the happy couple had checked into a room, had three arguments, and had a ice fight over who got the bathroom first. Finally, the two were dressed for the Big Event.

  


"It's now or never, because my love won't wait," Ted said with a smile. He was dressed in a white sequined bell-bottomed jumpsuit, and had fixed his hair into Elvis' trademark pompadour. 

  


"Lord almighty, my temperature's rising," Andromeda said, fanning herself dramatically with a feathered fan. "Come here, my hunka burnin' love."

  


And the two embraced in a passionate pre-marriage kiss. 

  


Andromeda broke the kiss to arrange her plumed headdress. She was in full showgirl regalia, from a tiny beaded costume to fishnet hose to the large feathery headdress that matched her fan. 

  


"Let's go," she said cheerfully. 

  


They left Caesar's, and a little while later stood in front a man in a priest's get up, being read their vows. Their small marriage ceremony was witnessed by several other Elvises, two Tom Joneses, a Sonny and Cher, several other showgirls, and a Cleopatra.

  


" My hands are shaky, and my knees are weak. I can't seem to stand on my own two feet. I'm in love, I'm all shook up. I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to be with another man. When I first saw you, with your smile so tender, my heart was captured, my soul surrendered. Now that you're near, the time is here at last," Ted said seriously.

  


"Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you," said Andromeda. "A whole lot of girls look for a good man like you. Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. Your kisses lift me higher, like a sweet song of a choir. You're my hunka burnin' love."

  


And so the showgirl clad Andromeda Black was wed to the Elvis impersonating Ted Tonks.

  


The wedding pictures still cause her mother to go into a conniption fit, and was the true reason her name was burned off the family tree, not the fact she married a Mudblood.

  
  


Fin.


End file.
